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Chelsea's a sh!thole; I want to go home
Posted by
kperdnusse
,
in
Match Review
16 May 2011
·
214 views
Or something similar. Well that's what everyone was singing, anyway. So. I went to a football match there yesterday. We have two Ameobis, and Chelsea have a shit one (I believe they call him Torres; again, crowd's opinion).
The day began way too early because the Metros only run every half hour at that time on a Sunday, and the trains take longer. Eventually the tube kicked me out at Parson's Green and I managed not to get lost on the way to the pub, which was nice. Unfortunately, there were some home fans in it, but I survived their difficult accents and incomprehensible banter due to the alcohol.
Football happened next. Some blokes kicked a ball for a couple of minutes, after which crowd reactions led me to believe that we conceded. I can't confirm this because it was at the near end, and I had some visibility issues with that net due to shallow steps and everyone else being taller than me. Now I know why the upstairs tickets cost more. They're all a rip-off though.
We equalized when Gutierrez's bum knocked in Ryan Taylor's free kick, which makes it more likely to score than his feet are most of the time, and definitely better than Nile Ranger.
The rest of the first half was rather uninspiring from both sides, with a corner here and a shot there, but nothing that particularly troubled either keeper. I don't think there was anyway. Visibility issues persisted, as I didn't think to bring a pair of high heels and nobody around cut the bottom of their legs off or anything like that.
I think we had the best of it at the start of the second half, with some free kicks in the sort of area where they would have been shots in the days when Laurent Robert used to play for us, but he doesn't so they weren't. Some were nearly deflected in while others weren't, but then we stopped playing as well and Chelsea took the lead again because we were all too busy welcoming Sammy Ameobi to pay proper attention to the match. I think Krul should've done better but it was down the other end and the replay I've seen wasn't a good picture so maybe he shouldn't. Just looked like he faffed and missed.
After that, it looked like we'd had it, but the lads didn't give up and after Ranger's customary miss along came that lovely injury time headed equalizer from Steven Taylor. It's not like he's never scored before, so I wonder why he was unmarked, but that's their problem. Cue huge celebrations with half the team getting hugged by the fans, and STaylor being booked for it. Stupid rule, not like he crossed the advertising boards and rules are made to broken anyway. Unless you play for the opposition. Then it's not allowed. All of their yellow cards were fully deserved and none of ours were; he didn't even touch him. Howay ref, he was miles away! Never a booking.
I believe Chelsea's reserves or someone were given some shiny thing after the match that they hadn't won yet because they were playing Blackburn tomorrow, which by this time is yesterday, but I wasn't paying much attention because I had to go and redo my eyeliner instead, and it's not like we ever get shiny stuff and never will while FCB's in charge and anyway, I had to go back to the pub.
Well not the same pub, and its menu looked dead posh, but I didn't eat in it so it doesn't matter, although the 'Home Fans Only' sign was scary but apparently as long as you're not wearing colours and standing with home fans, they'll assume you're one of them. Anyway, drink in there and then it emptied and we went back the pre-match pub, which was handy because it's much easier to find the tube station from there. It had Geordies in it as well, which was nice.
The evil bargey bloke wasn't, but whatever. I'm not Welsh but I'm still perfectly capable of calling him a cachu. Unfortunately the battery was gone on the
as it needed waving around a lot in the last 10 minutes of the game.
There was also a drunk bloke, who belongs to one of their lot. I believe many of you know him. He's called Steve and was mildly amusing, but then I had to leave and get the tube back to King's Cross. It doesn't run frequently enough on that line on a Sunday evening, so I only just caught my train home. I hate trains now. They take hours and don't even have sandwiches.
Anyway, it was nice seeing some of you again, and thanks for the point, and if anyone thinks this is too biased, that's what the comments section is for, but I appear to be able to edit them, so there
.
KP
The day began way too early because the Metros only run every half hour at that time on a Sunday, and the trains take longer. Eventually the tube kicked me out at Parson's Green and I managed not to get lost on the way to the pub, which was nice. Unfortunately, there were some home fans in it, but I survived their difficult accents and incomprehensible banter due to the alcohol.
Football happened next. Some blokes kicked a ball for a couple of minutes, after which crowd reactions led me to believe that we conceded. I can't confirm this because it was at the near end, and I had some visibility issues with that net due to shallow steps and everyone else being taller than me. Now I know why the upstairs tickets cost more. They're all a rip-off though.
We equalized when Gutierrez's bum knocked in Ryan Taylor's free kick, which makes it more likely to score than his feet are most of the time, and definitely better than Nile Ranger.
The rest of the first half was rather uninspiring from both sides, with a corner here and a shot there, but nothing that particularly troubled either keeper. I don't think there was anyway. Visibility issues persisted, as I didn't think to bring a pair of high heels and nobody around cut the bottom of their legs off or anything like that.
I think we had the best of it at the start of the second half, with some free kicks in the sort of area where they would have been shots in the days when Laurent Robert used to play for us, but he doesn't so they weren't. Some were nearly deflected in while others weren't, but then we stopped playing as well and Chelsea took the lead again because we were all too busy welcoming Sammy Ameobi to pay proper attention to the match. I think Krul should've done better but it was down the other end and the replay I've seen wasn't a good picture so maybe he shouldn't. Just looked like he faffed and missed.
After that, it looked like we'd had it, but the lads didn't give up and after Ranger's customary miss along came that lovely injury time headed equalizer from Steven Taylor. It's not like he's never scored before, so I wonder why he was unmarked, but that's their problem. Cue huge celebrations with half the team getting hugged by the fans, and STaylor being booked for it. Stupid rule, not like he crossed the advertising boards and rules are made to broken anyway. Unless you play for the opposition. Then it's not allowed. All of their yellow cards were fully deserved and none of ours were; he didn't even touch him. Howay ref, he was miles away! Never a booking.
I believe Chelsea's reserves or someone were given some shiny thing after the match that they hadn't won yet because they were playing Blackburn tomorrow, which by this time is yesterday, but I wasn't paying much attention because I had to go and redo my eyeliner instead, and it's not like we ever get shiny stuff and never will while FCB's in charge and anyway, I had to go back to the pub.
Well not the same pub, and its menu looked dead posh, but I didn't eat in it so it doesn't matter, although the 'Home Fans Only' sign was scary but apparently as long as you're not wearing colours and standing with home fans, they'll assume you're one of them. Anyway, drink in there and then it emptied and we went back the pre-match pub, which was handy because it's much easier to find the tube station from there. It had Geordies in it as well, which was nice.
The evil bargey bloke wasn't, but whatever. I'm not Welsh but I'm still perfectly capable of calling him a cachu. Unfortunately the battery was gone on the
as it needed waving around a lot in the last 10 minutes of the game.There was also a drunk bloke, who belongs to one of their lot. I believe many of you know him. He's called Steve and was mildly amusing, but then I had to leave and get the tube back to King's Cross. It doesn't run frequently enough on that line on a Sunday evening, so I only just caught my train home. I hate trains now. They take hours and don't even have sandwiches.
Anyway, it was nice seeing some of you again, and thanks for the point, and if anyone thinks this is too biased, that's what the comments section is for, but I appear to be able to edit them, so there
.KP
